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i've been Waiting for You all my Life [entries|friends|calendar]
Not the Girl Next Door

[ Picture Journal | You'll always be my Konstantine ]
[ User Info | They'll never hurt you like I do ]
[ Calendar | Did you know I missed you ]
[ Memories | It's always you in my big dreams ]
[ userinfo | livejournal userinfo ]
[ calendar | livejournal calendar ]

[04 Feb 2005|01:47pm]
ok, so i'm "un-friends onlying" my other journal. just thought i'd letchya know.


check it out, it's pretty hot.
3 Pretty Lies Tell Me A Secret

Change is good [16 Jan 2005|05:24pm]
[ mood | nostalgic ]

This journal has too many memories.
much too much history...
things i don't wanna remember.
so i'm starting fresh.

♥ ♥ ♥
♥ ♥ ♥

it's Friends only,
so if you wanna know...
you gotta add me FIRST,
and i'll add you back.
4 Pretty Lies Tell Me A Secret

ummm... how about GROW UP?? [13 Jan 2005|07:36pm]
[ mood | annoyed ]

So, the boyfriend shall be 18 on Tuesday!! i'm very ultra excited, but i'm still not QUITE sure why... it just seems like a big deal. Of course, i shall not be 17 until March 3rd. Lets talk about how illegal that will be (for a month anyways) How delightful. :D Handcuffs Perhaps?? lmao

TOMORROWS FRIDAY and it's about time, too. i think a movie sounds nice.

ohgosh. i forgot. the other day Steven popped the dent out of my car, so he was leaning over to look at it closer, and i didn't realize what he was doing, so i slammed my car door shut... RIGHT INTO THE SIDE OF HIS HEAD!!! it swelled up and got all bruised under his eye. grrr, can you say abusive girlfriend??? :( i felt SO bad. its not my fault i'm sucha klutz. today at school i was walking down the stairs, in the packed A buliding, and i missed the last to steps, twisted my ankle, and fell onto my face. yeah, it hurt my pride more than anything, Jeremy was making so much fun of me. but i got to go home, and i had only gone to first period anyways. so it worked out.

9 Pretty Lies Tell Me A Secret

picture this and picture that [10 Jan 2005|12:52pm]
[ mood | silly ]


((yes you all knew that))

StevenCollapse )

strike 3 for the camera whore???

okay by default
23 Pretty Lies Tell Me A Secret

[05 Jan 2005|11:05am]
[ mood | Missing Steve ]

i miss summer.
cold is the worst thing ever.
i had a liter of Sprite in my car
and it got all slushy like.

grrr... when can it be warm again???

it feels like i've lost everything when your goneCollapse )
22 Pretty Lies Tell Me A Secret

bleeding hearts make such lovely presents [04 Jan 2005|02:23pm]
[ mood | pleased ]

i miss the days when i used to post pictures everyday.
maybe i'll get back into the habit of it next week
since my crazy ass <3 boyfriend
will have to go back to work...
and i'll be all by myself everyday
after school until 5:00.
but since i have his house key,
i'll just go and wait for him at his house...


haha won't he just be thrilled to see me??
cross your fingers Heart

uh oh...

((just kidding... but i bet i scared ya :D))
5 Pretty Lies Tell Me A Secret

Opinion Please? [29 Dec 2004|06:09pm]
[ mood | rejected ]

should it matter:
that whenever you say her name
he recoils?

should it matter:
whenever a song reminds him of her
he has to change it as fast as possible?

should it matter:
that he cries harder over her
than over me?

should it matter?
well it does
9 Pretty Lies Tell Me A Secret

[27 Dec 2004|10:46pm]
[ mood | moody ]

i got into a teeny fight with the boyfriend today.
i don't have to be home until 1...
but i'm soooooo stubborn...
so it's now 10 something and... i'm home.
he looked so hurt when i drove away too.

if he only knew.

but i shall make it up to him tomorrow...
by going to his house at 7:30 AM,
crawling into his bed (i have his house key)
and oh so gently waking him up.
12 Pretty Lies Tell Me A Secret

omg what IS that? [16 Dec 2004|03:07pm]
could this be a... PICTURE???
NO freaking WAY!!!!
i haven't seen one of those in
but wait, didn't she dye her hair???


hmmm... Find out for yourselvesCollapse )

ps... i have a new layout and icons if ur interested <3
14 Pretty Lies Tell Me A Secret

[16 Dec 2004|11:08am]
[ mood | happy ]

i quit my job yesterday.
about time too.
i don't think i could have
my boss or co-workers anymore.
5 Pretty Lies Tell Me A Secret

i'll love you in sickness... [15 Dec 2004|10:40am]
[ mood | sick ]

living on cough drops,
choloroseptic spray,
and Nyquil
is getting very old.

i've been dying since Saturday.
i haven't been to school
or work
all week long.

and i threw up
at my boyfriends house.

(the worst part of it all:
he held my hair back for me)

i don't deserve him.
but i'm so lucky i found him
15 Pretty Lies Tell Me A Secret

so much emotion packed into such a small space [06 Dec 2004|11:02am]
[ mood | drained ]

i'm the kind of girl
that can feel so much love it leaves me speechless.
i've never meant to hurt anyone
with my deafening silences...
but sometimes words escape me.
it doesn't mean anything bad...
and all i need is a few hours to sort things out.

i can't help that i have a hard time
when it comes to believing someone
when they say they love me.
it doesn't mean i love the person any less...
and i definately am not trying to push him away.
(although that's what he thinks)
i just have these days when nothing i say makes sense
and everything that comes out hurts someone.

those are the days i remain silent.
those are the days i try to forget about.
those are the days that prove i still haven't forgiven.
but i'm trying.

i'm trying my damned hardest to make this work with him.

i can honestly say that
i've never tried harder before in a relationship.
but that makes sense...
since the last real one i had went to shit
because of me.

but now he's happy.
and i'm happy.
so, can everything be wonderful now?
You're damned right it can.
7 Pretty Lies Tell Me A Secret

[30 Nov 2004|09:38pm]
[ mood | ecstatic ]

my computers fixed
no more library for Heather
5 Pretty Lies Tell Me A Secret

tonight is a story of love... [30 Nov 2004|02:20pm]
[ mood | crappy ]

Heather was actually happy for about oh, 3 days
thats a new record or something

Click This if you Care to Know WhyCollapse )

i got my hair dyed.
chunky golden blonde streaks.
Love you
4 Pretty Lies Tell Me A Secret

[16 Nov 2004|08:19am]
[ mood | content ]

well... i don't know what to say.
i don't know how to feel
or how to act.
i'm not sure if i should be crushed
or if i should smile.

i'll admit this: i'm happy.
but theres a hole in my heart where you belong;
and where you'll remain till the last breath i take.
you are the single best thing
that has ever happened to me

i wish things turned out differently.
i wish that i could say i think it's over for the best.
but i don't.

yes, there is someone knew.
and he is great.
i'm sure if i told you you'd say that you're happy for me...
but i don't know.
you never made me cry anything except loving tears...
but he does.
</3 you've impacted me so much you'll always be in my thoughts... there will be songs i'll never be able to listen to without tears. but that's okay. because at least i know you're happy. and that's all that could ever matter.
12 Pretty Lies Tell Me A Secret

please don't leave me now [08 Nov 2004|02:28pm]
[ mood | rejected ]

why don't we talk anymore???

Come back
Please don't leave me now
I'll be all that you need in life
Because I can't live without you and
I know all that you need
I can give you everything
When you're so far you'll forget about me

screw all of this.

go ahead and shut the door.
on me.
on you.
on us.
don't worry about my crushed heart
or shattered world
because none of that matters anymore.
none of the nights i can't sleep
or dreams that you haunt.
it's all a result of what i did to you,
and all the hell i put you through.
Karmas paying me back double time.
i try to forget you every second of every day,
but nothings ever been able to wipe away the memory of you.
and as painful as it is, i won't let it to go.
i couldn't.
i always told you how amazing you were.
you didn't believe me.
i always told you how beautiful you are.
you shunned off the remark.
i've always known i'd never get over you.
and i won't.


::return to sender::
2 Pretty Lies Tell Me A Secret

[03 Nov 2004|12:23pm]
i have a serious problem with not doing my Argumentative Paper. Yes i realize i need it to graduate, yes i realize that i might as well just get it over with, but i cannot bring myself to try. Ugh.

the sad part is, i met a guy, and i think he has a crush on me. he's a sweetie too. but i keep comparing him to my ex boyfriend... you know, the one i dated back in march, the one that says all the right things at all the right times, the one where everything reminds me of him, the one that i think i'll need forever, the one that i just can't bring myself to stop loving. yeah, that one. Well, long story short, nobody will ever compare to him, but everything between us has been pronounced as over. So i guess i need to give these new guys a chance and leave all the vague memories of our beauty behind. it's not going to be easy, hell its been over 4 months already. but i guess it's necessary for me to ever be happy again.

at work the other day, i fucking broke down into tears, from shear sadness. i couldn't even get my sobs under control. everyone was so shocked because i come off as this bubbly happy person. but really, it's nothing like that. it's horrible and i don't know how to deal with it.

i have a dentist appointment in 15 minutes. joy.
3 Pretty Lies Tell Me A Secret

it's only you Beautiful... or i don't want anyone [01 Nov 2004|02:10pm]
[ mood | sad ]

i just wanted to say that i didn't forget your birthday.
i thought about you all day on Saturday,
but i couldn't get to a computer.

So close your eyes and sleep to dream.
I'm by your side.
No words to speak.
We'll set our course and make it through.
No matter how far I go my heart remains with you.

<3 forever and a day
2 Pretty Lies Tell Me A Secret

She prays for days when boys mean she's protected [28 Oct 2004|02:09pm]
[ mood | discontent ]




moreCollapse )

She drives away she's feeling worthless
Used again but nothings different
She'd stay the night but knows he doesn't care

Home by three to deafening quiet
The porch lights off guess they forgot it
She'd cry herself to sleep but she don't dare

And she wants someone to see her
She needs to hear she's beautiful
11 Pretty Lies Tell Me A Secret

lets get down to business... [26 Oct 2004|05:39pm]
[ mood | crazy ]

i'll post some pictures tomorrow.. hopefully.

yeah, so these are from 80's day at school...
i freaking love the 80's. :)

eighties//eighties//eightiesCollapse )

don't lift me up
with your strong intent
on dropping me back down
18 Pretty Lies Tell Me A Secret

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